You always get what you need!

 We all know the saying, we always want what we don't have! If you hair is straight, you want curly hair, or vice versa. I would see people who didn't have to work and think wow, wouldn't it be awesome if I could just stay at home all day. I could do whatever I wanted, and I would be able to accomplish so much during the day! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my job as a medical office assistant in the cardiologist office, but we all can dream right? See, I am a people pleaser, a do-er, a care-taker, and I am always trying to help people however I can. Being a nurse was my dream career! It was a no brainer. The best of both worlds really!  It didn't even seem like a "job" at all. I would be able to care for, encourage and educate patients with not only my skilled knowledge from my education but also with my life experience.
 My work in the office came natural to me, it was like second nature. My favorite part of the job was working in the clinic and rooming the patients! I loved talking to the patients and getting to know them; occasionally I even got to meet their families. We didn't talk just about their health issues, although that was a huge part, but I got to know them on a personal level. I was able to listen to their concerns, fears, anxieties and everyday life happenings. I was able to provide them with real life education and sometimes a little encouragement. We shared smiles, hugs, joy and sometimes even tears. I met many wonderful people who touched my life in many, many ways.
 Now, many of my patients, coworkers and physicians I worked for did not now I had CHD. I worked so hard to not let anyone know because I didn't want anyone to treat me different or think I couldn't do what they did. I wasn't ashamed of having CHD, I just didn't want the stigma of the word "sick" anywhere near me! When I did share my CHD with patients it was more like God picked the ones I would share with. He gave me the courage to share my story and the words to say. I know we didn't go through the same exact experiences, but I could sense when a patient was anxious about a procedure or surgery and I felt like sharing my story would help to ease their worry. Having heart disease is scary! Heart disease is the number 1 killer in the US according to the Mayo Clinic. I wanted them to know having heart disease didn't mean death. We can live long, healthy lives even with heart disease. I, and many others are living proof of that!
 I am slowly starting to understand the importance of why my doctor's thought it would be a good idea for me to take a break from working. Trust me it is a long, hard process. I still struggle everyday with knowing even though I am not going to work, I have a purpose and my life can still be used for the better good of this world and for God's glory. Mostly, I am lonely. I try to keep myself busy with cardiac rehab, spending time with family, friends, and trying to better myself, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally. Everyday brings new challenges and feelings. I am trying to live my life in the moment and not get worked up over the "small stuff" that life brings!
 Today, I feel pretty good. I am tired because I am suffering from a little bit of insomnia lately but no major issues and for that I am blessed! Every morning I have to weigh myself because of the congestive heart failure (CHF), to be sure I am not gaining too much weight over a short period of time. Weighing everyday is one of my least favorite tasks of the day, but I don't know many women or men for that matter who like to get on a scale :-) For me today, life is good! I have a strong faith and I know that is what keeps me going day to day! I always try to remind myself that somewhere out there, someone else is carrying an even heavier cross and they would gladly exchange theirs for mine!